Remember that blog that I started once?

Hey, great big internet world. Remember that time that I was all "I'm so excited! I'm going to blog so much!"? Yeah ... oops.

So I'm back now. Ish. I probably won't blog constantly like I said - but there will probably be spurts of ridiculous blogging-ness. Because, basically, I let stuff all build up in my brain, and then eventually I feel the need to write it all down. Right now, I'm dwelling on three different things. Which one should I blog about? Hmmmm ...

So, recently I've been reflecting on my degree choice. I feel like, in this instance, my mother's favorite "how can you be so smart and so stupid?!?" saying really applies. I mean, really. Sociology? When you knew you wouldn't have the personality for social work, and you probably wouldn't be able to just jet off to grad school to become a researcher? Really? I should have just went for the early childhood degree. If any of my sophomore-year-of-college-friends are reading this, you know what I'm talking about. That brief but intense crisis near the end of our 3rd semester at college when I realized I wanted to do early childhood education instead of sociology? Yeah, totally should have went with that.

But, except for that brief crisis, I wasn't thinking about what I'd do with my degree. Sociology was fascinating. I couldn't get enough of it. I loved my sociology classes, especially cultural anthropology and subcultures. In contrast, the early childhood education classes looked downright unappealing. I wanted to stretch my mind and my experiences - to look at phenomenons from other cultures and see life from other peoples' perspectives. Lesson plans involving picture books and times tables really didn't look like my cup of tea at all.

Of course, that's great, until you graduate from college Summa Cum Laude with a B.A. in Sociology and nobody ... NOBODY ... wants to hire you. Yeah, it's partially the economy, sure. But sociology is mostly, if not entirely, theoretical. What does one do with theoretical knowledge? Write a book? Do research? Yup, those would work. If you're a Ph.D. and can get published. And guess who isn't planning on getting a doctorate? Yup, you got it. Silly little me.

I had grand plans before/during college. Research, travel, advanced degrees. Here's where things start to get a little tricky - so please don't read into it. Everything changed when I got married and moved out of state. And no, it's not an "oh my goodness, all my dreams are crushed, how could you do this to me?" kind of change. It's more of a "how can I fulfill all of my dreams when they seem so mutually exclusive?" kind of change. You know, you get married, move away with your husband, and all of a sudden, in addition to your plans of travel and learning, you have dreams of a nice little house in a small town with half a dozen little kids playing in the fenced-in backyard with the family dog. What's a girl to do?

I know there are women out there who have done both - fulfilled both their career/academic dreams and their dreams of family and belonging. But I just don't see how I can. Even without the fiasco that was my GRE (yeah, that was ridiculous) I don't see how I can do everything. I realize I'm only 22 - I've got tons of time (statistically, that is). But I'm close to desperate to expand our family already - and I don't want to be an inattentive mother when the time comes. And why is it that I feel like I'm the only person in this situation? (I think I need to be more sociable)

I figured I should add - my husband has been awesome about all of this. He hasn't tried to push me one way or the other. But he also can't really sympathize with my situation - he's got a stable career that he loves, and he wouldn't have to consider quitting if we had kids. So there you go.

Well .... that's about it. Fantastic insights into the mind of me. Enjoy :-P

I'm way too happy about this blogging thing ...

So, yeah, I should've started blogging sooner.  Basically because I'm pretty sure at this point that my brain is so full of random junk that I won't be able to limit myself to one post a day for a while.  I know, more than one post a day is excessive.  I'm perfectly aware.  But seriously, if I don't write this stuff down, my brain is going to explode.  And that would be messy.

So, in the past 9 months of being jobless (well, except for that month or so I had that temp job) I have learned something very important.  I may be painfully shy and socially awkward, but I really really dislike being alone for significant periods of time.  Sure, I get along quite well with my books and my laptop and my Xbox.  They don't judge me, and I can spend as much time with them as I want.  They never have other plans.  

They are, however, completely unable to make conversation.  I know, surprising, right?  I'm pretty sure I've lost about a bazillion brain cells in the last 9 months from lack of human interaction.  Not that Ben doesn't talk to me, it's just that I spend 9 hours a day by myself.  And frankly, after playing the role of the academic overachiever for 3 years housework seems downright brain-numbing.  And, seriously, when all you have to do all day long is fold laundry and wash the dishes, it gets more than a little depressing.

Of course, there's always email and cell phones and facebook to provide social interaction, right?  Wrong.  I have this ridiculous complex wherein I'm positive that if I call you that means I'm interrupting and bothering you.  I know, it's crazy.  I need to learn to be less paranoid and more extroverted, or I'm not going to have any brain cells left.

Because, yes, my life IS that fascinating . . .

So I had this blog in high school.  It was very high-school-ish.  I talked about class and band and boyfriends.  But now I'm 21 (almost 22!) and I thought I'd turn over a new leaf.

First of all, for those of you who are wondering, the title of my blog comes from Sara Groves' song.  Here are the lyrics:

You are the sun shining down on everyone
Light of the world giving light to everything I see
Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in
And everywhere you are is warmth and light

And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I can't be a light unless I turn my face to you

You are the sun shining down on everyone
Light of the world giving light to everything I see
Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in
And everywhere you are is warmth and light

And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I can't be a light unless I turn my face to you

Shine on me with your light
Without you Iím a cold dark stone
Shine on me I have no light of my own
You are the sun, you are the sun, you are the sun
And I am the moon

Awesome song.  One of those "wow, she really just totally captured the cry of my heart" kind of songs.

Anyways, moving on ... I'm writing this blog mostly for my own selfish benefit.  If it helps you to know what I'm up to and what I'm thinking, I'm glad for that also, I suppose.  But really I'm the kind of person who really needs to organize her thoughts at the end of a day and write them all down.  I really like the idea of someone reading and getting something out of what I write, but I know I'm not that interesting. :-P

So, for my first post I'm basically going to just make a list of random stuff jumbled all up in my messy brain.  Hopefully afterwards there will be enough room for me to actually compose a thought provoking post next time.

1. I beat a video game for the first time this weekend.  I know, that's a really sad way to start off a random list.  But, hey, I was excited!  Now I can't wait for Mass Effect 2 to come out.

2. I. Love. Fall.  Seriously it didn't get above 70 degrees today.  Soon I will be in apple cider, crunchy leaves, holiday season heaven.  I am ecstatic.

3. Baptismal service today = awesome.  I really hope everyone was as blessed by it as I was.  I really enjoy playing in our new worship band setup.  We are all learning together and I hope that we can grow together to be effective in helping people worship Christ!

4. I start my new job on Tuesday.  I'm really ridiculously excited, but also really ridiculously nervous.  Prayer is much appreciated.

Ok, that should do it.  I promise, there will be more cohesive posts to follow.

Thanks for reading! :-)

~Heather